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[ October 18, 1998 ]
Record Mirror: Never Face a Bourbon Cream
Record Mirror
Never Face a Bourbon Cream
Date/Author Unknown
Courtesy of G. Dipper
NO! NOT THE BISCUIT TIN!
(THE RULES) In the Biscuit Tin there are 100 envelopes. Each contains a fiendishly difficult question. You must open 20 envelopes at random and answer the question inside. You can only pass on one.
THE FIRST QUESTION FROM THE TIN IS ...
Q. WHAT BRAND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
I don't really wash it that much. When I was a kid I used Vosene and I use Wash & Go. I wash it about once every three or four weeks. That's normal, innit? Once I went without washing it for a year and a half.
Q. WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOUR HOME TOWN?
The fact that people in Hull are friendly and that I know a lot of them. I like the size as well. I know that sounds a bit weird but 'cos it's quite small you bump into a lot of people you wouldn't do if it was bigger. I miss it when I'm away but not as much as the others do, a lot of them have long relationships with babies. Sorry, long relationships and they have babies.
Q. DO YOU KEEP UP YOUR LAWN?
What, as in mowing it? I haven't got one. I know that's a bit "I'm a man of the people" but I genuinely haven't. There's several reasons: 1) I wouldn't be able to keep it up and 2) there's lots of parks nearby. It's just one of them things innit? The answer, if I had one, is No.
Q. WHAT'S YOUR COOKING SPECIALITY?
Toad in the Hole. Same mixture as Yorkshire Puddings with sausages. I used to be a vegetarian but I'm not any more. I don't eat it very often really.
Q. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION OF THE MANIC STREET PREACHERS?
I don't really have one, I can't remember hearing anything by them. Dave Rotheray likes them.
Q. WHAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING YOU'VE DONE TO IMPRESS SOMEONE?
Probably joining a pop group. To impress an ex-girlfriend or something. When I was working in an office I told someone I was leaving to join a group and he said, "I think you're being totally ridiculous". I think of him a lot, and how wrong he was.
Q. WHICH IS BEST - BEVERLY HILLS 90210 OR BAYWATCH?
Never watched either. I've heard that people watch Baywatch just for the women's breasts.
Q. WHAT'S THE WORST ROW YOU HAVE EVER HAD WITH YOUR PARENTS?
I don't think I ever had an argument with both of them - you tend to argue with them separately, don't you? Once they got this letter saying that I'd let off stink bombs at school, misbehaved and wasn't to be let back into the school without an escort. I just denied the whole thing, but that could have been a big row. My mum still thinks I'm innocent.
Q. DO YOU EVER LOOK AT YOURSELF NAKED IN THE MIRROR?
Yeah I do. I usually look at myself half-naked 'cos I usually wear a shirt to bed, so I can see the bottom parts - the interesting parts.
Q. WHAT TV AD DO YOU HATE THE MOST?
I really hate that Cheddery one. It's a scouse mother and daughter. I hate that coffee advert that Michael Elphick's in, where he does that hand movement with the beans and says "I've always wanted to do that". I like that Mad About the Boy one though.
Q. HAVE YOU EVER FANCIED ANYONE OF YOUR OWN SEX?
(Laughs) That's real weird that. I just knew this question was about whether I was gay or not. I haven't fancied sleeping with a block or anything, but I find it easy to be affectionate with men. Basically I don't really find men's bits appealing.
Q. DO YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION?
No. Not one iota. It's just the right-wing trying to make people believe they've got another chance if this life is bad. There's not much evidence is there?
Q. HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN DRUGS?
Yeah, this afternoon. I wouldn't advocate it though.
Q. IS IT PECULIAR SEEING YOURSELF ON TELEVISION?
It's exciting at first, but the thing is I don't associate seeing the band with seeing me. It's two different things. I can't believe the way I speak on TV. I sound like John Inman, a real camp Northerner.
Q. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE?
Don't fancy any way. My friend's grandfather died in his armchair with a can of beer in his hand, reading the paper and watching the television. That sounds good. Die in your sleep with the telly on. One of them BBC2 Chemistry programmes.
Q. WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND?
In a light-hearted way I suppose my mate Trotsky.
Q. WHAT WORDS DO YOU MOST FREQUENTLY USE?
Swear words mostly. I used to say "basically" a lot. I use the word "And" a lot as in "And ..." And "so", I use that a lot.
Q. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE CHAT-UP LINE?
What you do is you lick two fingers, wipe them on somebody's back and say "Better come back to my house and take all those wet clothes off". Some idiot told me that.
Q. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMOUS ANCESTORS?
Yeah, my mum's great-grandmother was the last ever woman to speak Cornish. Trouble is, of course, towards the end she didn't have anyone else to speak it to. Her last words were "nonnee thaa arass ybrd".
Delores / Link to Here
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